When we are in a difficult situation and feel upset, it can be hard to tell others how we are feeling.  Rather than feeling frustrated and feeling upset, calm down.  When telling others how we feel, we must be careful that we explain in a way that doesn't make the other person upset.  For example, I say to my friend "You are always so mean to me!" When you say YOU, it seems like we are blaming or accusing the other person.  It may put the person on the defensive, which can make finding a solution difficult.

One other way is to use I-Statements.  There are three parts to "I-Statements". 

1. state how you feel (e.g. I feel mad). 
   
2. state what your trigger is (e.g. I feel mad when it seems like no one is listening to me.).
   
3. describe why you are feeling that way (e.g. I feel mad when it seems like no one is listening to me because I feel ignored).

Using "I-Statements" may seem uncomfortable or silly at first, but they are very useful in all types of relationships.  The best thing about using "I-Statements" is that you say how YOU feel and do not assume what the other person is feeling.  Therefore, the other person is more likely to listen to you and help you find a solution.

A teenage boy is annoyed with his parents, who ask him several times each night if he has completed his homework.

• Common response: “Lay off me!”
• “I” statement response: “I feel frustrated and annoyed when I am reminded over and over to do my homework.  I am old enough now to complete my homework without reminders.”